Boundaries Page 7

  Jane's eyes were damp as she sucked in some air. "Fair enough. Maybe we'll have time later to get to know each other."

  “Maybe we will.” Not sure how true that was, but I met her with a smile. “What would you like to talk about this morning?”

  “I brought the letter.” The anticipation of getting to read the note muffled the words that followed. Jane took out a business-size envelope, with the top torn open and handed it to me. “I didn’t get to keep the original, that’s in evidence, but at least I was smart enough to make a copy before I gave it to them.”

  My hands trembled as I held the envelope. Carefully, I pulled out the paper, unfolded it, and began to read it.

  “Read it aloud.”

  Dread circled me, I didn’t want to follow her command, but I didn’t want her to snatch it back from me, so I complied. “Dear Mommy, I am sorry, I can’t take it any longer. I know you will be sad but try to get over it. I am going to a better place. Please don’t be upset with me. I love you. Love, Carmen.”

  Jane was on the edge of her seat, her body leaned forward onto the table. “See what I mean?”

  “No, Jane, I’m sorry, but I didn’t know Carmen.”

  “I mean, is this letter good enough? It’s the last words to me, shouldn’t she have said more? Told me why?”

  "It was pretty short, but maybe she was in too much pain to write more. Is there anything else about it that doesn't sound like her? Did she call you Mommy? Do you know what she might have been upset about?"

  “She called me Mommy as a little girl, but not since she was about ten. We weren’t that close. She was rebellious. I know she was having boy problems, I mean, before Seth, but I wouldn’t think it was bad enough to kill herself.”

  “How long had she been dating Seth?”

  “Oh, a few months maybe. He’s a good man.”

  My memory painted him differently. Just the thought of him increased my heart rate. From my interaction with him, I would not have classified him as a good man or even a man for that matter. “Do you still keep in touch with Seth?”

  The question brought a smile to her face. “Yes, he checks up on me.”

  “Has he seen the note?”

  “Yeah, I let him look at it. He told me to drop it and just let the case stay closed. Part of me wants to drop it, but part of me wants to know for sure.”

  “Do you think he’ll be mad if he knows you’re talking to me about this?”

  “He won’t find out. Right?”

  Her lack of an answer was good enough for me to know. “Are you afraid of him? If he were to find out?”

  “Of course not.” Her body stiffened with her response. “I just don’t think he needs to know.”

  “What are you hoping will come of this? If they were to find out that she did not commit suicide?”

  “I want whoever did this to my baby to pay. I don’t want people thinking that she would have done such a thing. I want her name cleared of all this.”

  “Where would you like to start?”

  “How about with you asking that hunk of yours for some help?”

  My cheeks flushed as I cleared my throat. “What do you mean?”

  “Oh, don’t play stupid with me, I saw that detective at your place last night. For being one of them he is pretty hot, I don’t blame you for bumping uglies with him.”

  “Oh, my goodness, Jane, it’s really not what it looks like.”

  “What? It looks like the two of you are dating. No?”

  “Well, I guess so, but…”

  “Then you’re the perfect person to get him to open the case.”

  “Oh, Jane, I don’t…”

  “Jesus Christ.” She pushed herself away from the table and stood up. “What do I have to do to make you understand how important this is?”

  The desperation of her anger spoke to all the right places in me. If I were in her shoes, I would want someone to help me. I don't even know what I would do or how I would act. "Jane, please sit down. I want to help you."

  My words were all it took to change her attitude. “Thank you, Val.” As she sat back down, she placed her hand on top of mine. “I knew you’d understand.”

  “I don’t know what I can do, but I will ask Detective Phillips.”

  “You know it might help if you gave him something for the information.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You know.” She smirked as she winked at me.

  “Oh, my goodness, Jane. I don’t think I’ll be doing that, but I will ask him.”

  “Well, if that doesn’t work, you can pull out the big guns.”

  “For now, I want to get back to how you are doing. I know you mentioned that you take something to help you sleep, but have you been to see your doctor since all this happened?”

  “No, why? It’s not like I’m sick. I hate doctors.”

  “It’s just that they might be able to give you something to help deal with some of the…feelings.”

  “Oh, you mean how I’m so unstable?” She used her fingers to make air quotes for the last word.

  “I wouldn’t call it unstable.”

  “Why the hell not? Everyone else does. This is how I’ve always been. I used to take some stuff, but I haven’t had the money to get it, and I don’t think I need it. I kind of like being…what’s the word…animated?”

  “What kind of pills were you taking? Jane, I might be able to help you get your prescriptions.”

  “I don’t know what they’re called. A little white one, a blue one. Besides, the only help I want from you is getting me answers. Don’t you worry about my medications. I hate taking those things anyway.”

  “Jane, can I ask you an uncomfortable question?”

  “Sure. Let me guess, am I crazy?”

  “No, not crazy, but have you been diagnosed with anything?”

  “I hate labels.” She looked away from me and her eyes went to the door then came back to me. “I’ve been told I have a personality disorder, but do you really think that’s true? I mean, there’s nothing wrong with my personality.”

  Of course, how had I not noticed this before? Jane’s moods were so unpredictable. Walking on eggshells doesn’t even work with her, because there is no predictability. “There’s nothing wrong with your personality, Jane.” The only answer I could give without risking her walking out. “Did they give you a name for it? I know there are so many different types.”

  “Frank.”

  The seriousness on her face made me regret asking. “Frank?”

  “Jesus, Val, no, not Frank, I can pass anything by you.” She chuckled as she stared me dead in the eyes. “Border something, I think, like I said, I don’t like titles.”

  “Fair enough. To be honest, I don’t like titles either, but sometimes they help us understand what’s happening with people. Did Carmen take any prescriptions?”

  “You mean, was she as crazy as her mother? No. She was too perfect for that.”

  The hint of anger behind her words was hard to ignore and made me question things more than I had before. “Can you tell me a little about Carmen? I remember how beautiful she was, and that sweet lullaby you sang to her, but I don’t know that much about her.”

  Jane closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip as she shook her head. “Ahh, yes, she was beautiful, but so was I. She was even prettier as a little girl, and not as much of a problem then.”

  “What do you mean? How was she a problem?”

  “All the boys she would bring home, all the drinking, all the sex and all the drugs. How would that make a mama proud?”

  “That does sound like a handful. What kind of drugs did she do?”

  “You name it, she tried it.”

  “I’m a little confused, Jane. How did that make her perfect?”

  “Well, she was perfect. So much better than me.” Tears started to build in her eyes.

  “Are you okay, Jane? We can stop for today if you want to.”

  She sucked in tears
and ran her hand through her hair. "Yeah, I think we've talked enough. Now it’s your turn to do some work for me, right? Talk to that piece of meat of yours and ask him for some private information for me.” She winked at me as she stood up.

  “I’ll talk to Detective Phillips, but, Jane, can you use his name? It makes me uncomfortable when you…”

  “Don’t get your panties in a bunch, I was just kidding.”

  “Will I see you at group next week?”

  “Won’t I see you before then? I can bring dinner.”

  “To be honest, Jane, I would like to just meet at the hospital. If you need to talk or think of anything, you can call me here, okay?”

  “Yeah, sure, I get it, we’re not friends.”

  “No, Jane, it’s more that I could get in trouble with my boss if she knew you were coming to my house. I have strict boundaries I must adhere to.”

  “Yup, whatever. I’ll call, or I won’t, you’ll just have to wait and see.”

  “See you next week?”

  “If you’re lucky.” She left the door open as she walked down the hall.

  Our interaction left me exhausted. My doubts about Carmen's death just became even more cloudy. On the one hand, I wouldn't blame her for trying to escape her mother, but on the other hand, there seemed to be a lot more to the story than Jane was telling me. She did give me a good idea, though. I didn’t know why I hadn’t thought about talking with Tim about the case to get the inside scoop, the details that the paper didn’t give. I bet he’d tell me anything I wanted to know.

  The first two meetings of trauma group and its members had taken a lot more of my time than I had imagined they would. Maggie’s story hadn’t left my head since I heard it. I knew what her daughters went through, and that wasn’t something I wanted to remember. Now Jane, crossing every boundary I put in place to keep myself distanced from my clients was getting too much for me, but not enough to stop. The first time I saw Carmen, I knew I had to find answers for her. I knew there was so much more to her story. There always was.

  Norma and Sonya hadn’t even shared their stories yet. My curiosity wanted to know, but my heart couldn’t take knowing yet. Norma was so sweet; it would pierce my heart to think about anyone hurting her. The group already destroyed all of the walls I spent my entire career building. Not even a brick at a time, but the whole damn thing at once.

  Thank goodness for Tim. I wasn’t sure how I would handle all of this without him. Piece of meat. I still couldn’t get over how brash Jane was, well, actually I could. Borderline personality disorder was always the diagnosis that made me cringe when I read it in a chart. I do hate labels, but that label is one that could not be forgotten. The manipulation, behavioral changes, the stolen energy was always so hard to see happening until you were in too deep. Jane did have all the textbook symptoms, and if mixed with alcohol, she'd quickly spiral out of control, taking anyone in her line of sight with her. I just needed to remind myself to not get sucked in. Poor, sweet Carmen. Being raised by Jane must have taken its toll on her.

  Chapter Thirteen

  The phone rang three times before Tim picked up. “Detective Phillips.”

  “I know who I called.” I regretted my attempt at sarcasm as soon as I finished. “Hey Tim, it’s Val.”

  “I know who it is, I can read.” Silence followed his words.

  Unsure if he was checkmating my sarcasm, I wasn’t sure if I should hang up, or wait and see.

  “Hey, Val, what’s up?”

  Relief. Our relationship made me question so many things. Sarcasm was our language before, but now it felt rude, not fun. “Sorry for being a smartass. Hey, do you have some time to swing by the hospital?”

  “Well, that depends, will you be there?”

  “Yes, for a few more hours anyway.”

  “Don’t you think it’s risky?”

  “What’s risky?”

  “It’s a small place, people will talk.”

  “About what?”

  “About me leaving your office with a smile.”

  “Oh my God, Tim.”

  “Relax, Val, I’m joking. Remember, it’s our thing.”

  “Ha-ha. Yeah, it’s just so…weird now. I don’t know how to act. I’ve worked so long to not like you, now it's hard to untrain myself.”

  “You were pretty good at it. I’ll let it slide. I’ll be there in a few.”

  After he hung up the phone, I thought about what people might say if they knew we were dating. As far as I knew, Jane was the only one who had any idea. That thought was scary enough to give me hives. What would people think? There was no one around the basement. Having him in my life was worth the risk of being found out. There was no harm in dating, nothing to feel guilty about.

  To clear my head, I went outside to walk around the parking lot. The coolness in the air was just enough to need my cardigan. I was thankful I didn't leave home without it, regardless of the season. Hospital air conditioning, especially in the basement, was brutal, like the arctic most days. As I rounded the first corner of the driveway, Tim pulled up in his black Crown Victoria. I heard the door unlock and his window roll down.

  “You are under arrest for being so smoking hot. Now, get in the car, before I cuff you.”

  I was thankful my cheeks were already pink from the temperature outside that he couldn’t see me blush. “Well, I have been known to put up a fight. I think you better get the cuffs out. You know, just in case.”

  “Damn. I didn’t expect that to work.” A smile spread across his face. “Seriously, though, do you want to talk out here? It’s beautiful out today, we should soak up as much sun as possible before the snowflakes start falling.”

  “You really know how to kill the mood.”

  “Especially since I’ve worked so long to create it.”

  I opened the door and got in, to help alleviate some of the awkwardness we were creating. “Let’s park over there, under that oak tree.”

  “You totally missed the part about soaking up the sun, huh?”

  “What can I say, I’m a vampire.” My eyes met his as the sexual tension filled the car. “So, Jane came by today.”

  “Yeah? How did that go?”

  “It was…interesting. She showed me a copy of the suicide note.”

  “How in the hell could she? We have it.”

  “It was a copy. She made a copy before she gave it over.”

  “That’s not that strange, I guess. She must have known we would keep it.”

  “She made me read it to her. And then wanted me to tell her that Carmen didn’t write it like I knew her. She thinks someone killed her, but she won’t say who. When I asked about the boyfriend, she got upset, well, not really upset, but she refuses to even answer questions about him. What do you think?”

  “I can’t say much, Val. It’s closed and you know how hard it is to open it back up. Lawrenceville doesn’t have enough manpower to give it another look.”

  “That’s awful. What if she were your daughter? I bet you’d find the resources to open it back up.”

  “Val, it isn’t that easy. You’re right, I would do everything in my power to get answers for my daughter. Our daughter.”

  “Whoa, that took an uncomfortable turn.”

  “Why is it uncomfortable? Just something to consider.”

  "Carmen was nineteen. She was just a baby, the minute I saw her, I knew I had to help her. When I met the boyfriend in the room, I instantly disliked him. He brought rage out in me that I haven't felt in years."

  “Are you saying you think he killed her? Wrote the note to make it look like a suicide?”

  “I’m not sure what I’m saying, just that I know Carmen didn’t kill herself.”

  “What makes you so sure, Jane? Or, something else?”

  "Well, Jane is just…odd. I have figured out why, though."

  “Oh? Do tell.”

  "She said she has Borderline Personality Disorder, which is always a challenge to figure out, but it does e
xplain why she thought it was okay to show up at my place last night…and she did recognize you." I smiled as I waited for his questions.

  “And?”

  I couldn’t tell if he was blushing, or if it was just the sun beaming onto his face. “And she wants me to ask my piece of meat for some help.”

  “Whoa. I’m not sure if I’m flattered or not.”

  “I know, it kind of threw me off, too.”

  “What kind of help do you need from this piece of meat?” He chuckled as he put his hand on my knee.

  I placed my hand on his as I savored our time together. “She wants you to help get the case opened back up.”

  “I don’t know, Val, that’s next to impossible. We’re so short-staffed, and it would make the department look bad…they don’t take it lightly when you tell them they were wrong.”

  “I know, that was sort of what I told her.” I looked out the windshield as I thought about how to ask the question I really wanted to ask. “Do you think you could let me look at the evidence? Or the reports?”

  “I could probably pull that off…but it’ll cost you…this piece of meat doesn’t work for free.”

  "Whatever could I repay you with?"

  "How about…you kiss me?" He puckered up his lips as he brought his face closer to mine.

  “It would be hard to say no to that face.” I leaned in and touched my lips to his. At that moment, I didn’t care who could see us, or that I was letting myself fall in love with him. Tim put his hand on my cheek and pulled me closer as we continued to kiss. I didn’t want him to let go, or for it to stop. Could he be the man I wanted to spend my life with? Just the thought of that would have made me run before, but now, I could think of nothing more.

  “Wow, Val, you’re electric. You know how to get me going. Do you think there will be more of that later?”

  “I hope so.” I also hoped he couldn’t tell how hard I’m falling for him.

  “Music to my ears. So, I guess I owe you something. Want to stop in the barracks when you get off tonight? Everyone else should be gone by 5:00.”

  "Banker's hours, huh? No wonder there's no time to open closed cases."