Boundaries Page 8

  “Yeah, well, we have to have some perks, or no one would want to join the force. Besides, the state police pick up patrol until morning. We just don’t have enough manpower.”

  “No comment. Thanks for doing this for me. And for the record, I would have kissed you for free.”

  "Now you tell me." His smile sent a vibration through my body.

  “Do you want to come in for coffee? Or lunch?”

  “I’d love to, Val, but I have to get back for a meeting. I’m looking forward to seeing you later tonight.”

  “Yeah, I guess I have work I need to do, too. See you later. Thanks for stopping by.” I leaned in to get another kiss.

  “My pleasure…literally.”

  As I walked back into the hospital, I felt my confidence building. It was incredible how being made to feel special could help life not suck so bad. I wasn’t sure why I fought it for as long as I did.

  Thoughts about what I might find out in Carmen’s file helped make my day go by faster. I was no detective, but I knew when people were lying to me, or at least I liked to think I did. That was one of the perks of being a casualty of narcissists.

  Chapter Fourteen

  As I pulled up to the Lawrenceville Community Center, I noticed how dilapidated the old building really was. I pulled around back, where Tim's car was and parked next to the back door. The brick building had a tattered blue tarp on the backside of the roof, blowing in the breeze. Plywood covering a window on the second floor was grey from the weather, and many of the bricks were crumbling.

  I pulled out my phone to let Tim know I was there, mostly because I had no idea where in the building his office was. In all of our years as friends, he was the one to always come to my office for both business and pleasure, it was about time I visited him at his office…even if it was for selfish reasons.

  The backdoor opened and Tim walked over to my car. He arrived at my door in time to open it for me. “What a gentleman.”

  “Hey, I have a reputation to uphold.”

  “There is so much I could say, but…”

  His lips met mine before I could finish my smart remark. I fell into his arms and let him hold me close. “Are you ready for this?”

  Forgetting why I was there for a moment, I smiled. “Of course.”

  “Don’t get upset when you see the file, OK?”

  “No promises.” He took my hand and led me into the building. The parking lot was dark, only lit by the lone streetlight on the other side of the street. Inside the building, Tim opened the second door on the left and motioned for me to enter.

  “Where’s your office?”

  “You’re looking at it.”

  “Impressive.”

  “Yeah, I know, it’s pretty amazing, right?”

  “Well, I expected more from someone so amazing.”

  "I know, I'm too sexy for this place." His smile was bright enough to light up the darkness of the room. He picked up a white cardboard file box and moved it to a long table. "Here, this is from the Davidson case."

  The reminder of why I was there took the joy out of the moment. I rested my hand on top of the box as I took a deep breath. My eyes met Tim’s as I removed the cover. The box held just two files. “What is this?”

  “It’s the Davidson case.”

  I lifted out the two folders and held them up. “This?”

  Tim ran his hand through his hair and jammed his hand in his pocket. “Yeah, I told you there wasn’t much in there.”

  “A girl is dead, and this is all there is?”

  “Val, it was a suicide. Sometimes there isn’t anything.”

  “We aren’t sure about that yet. That’s why we’re here.”

  “But we are sure. There isn’t anything we can do about this now.”

  I set the two files down and opened the first one. It held a few photos. There were pictures of what looked like it could have been Carmen's bedroom, taken from different angles. There was a photo of a messy living room, a tiny kitchen with a sink full of dirty dishes. Under these pictures were the photos of Carmen's dead body. The beautiful girl I saw in the hospital bed looked different in the pictures. The sadness was overwhelming. Hers, mine, they became one as I held the photo up. Tears fell onto the open folder on the table as I tried to imagine what would make Carmen want to end her life. What could have been so bad that she would do this to herself?

  When I looked down to see what my tears had fallen onto, I saw the pictures of her unbandaged wrists. Deep cuts covered both wrists. The sight was too gruesome to keep looking at. I felt my stomach flip as I put the photos back and shut the file.

  "You doing okay?" Tim's voice was a gentle reminder that I wasn't alone.

  I wiped the tears off my face with my sleeve. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just…don’t understand.” His silence gave me time to pull myself together. “Why would she do something like this? Why would anyone want to die like that?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve seen this type of thing before and I never understand.”

  “She was so young, so beautiful. Her mom said she was in college. Does that sound like someone who would do this to themselves?”

  “Val, it’s just so hard to understand what someone else is thinking. I don’t know why she did it, why anyone does it.”

  “I still don’t think she did it herself. What did she use to cut herself? Why isn’t it in this box? That’s evidence, right?”

  “The knife wasn’t found when they went back to the home after Carmen died.”

  “It wasn’t found? Shouldn’t it have been on the bed, where the EMT found her?”

  "Yeah, it should have been, but it wasn't there when we went back after she died and it became a crime scene."

  “It wasn’t a crime scene until after she died? Why? Shouldn’t it have been searched as soon as the EMT got there?”

  “We didn’t even get a call about this until Jeanine called us after Carmen died. We might not have even known about Carmen if Jeanine hadn’t called with her concerns.”

  “How is that even possible? How can someone die and you guys don’t care?” Frustration turned to anger as I lashed out at Tim.

  “Whoa…wait a minute, Val. We do care, but if we don’t know about it, how can we do anything?”

  “Sorry. This whole thing just makes me angry. A young girl’s life is lost and there are no answers.” I picked up the other file and pulled out the report. Minimal information filled the three pages. No details. No interviews. No justice. Under the report was the suicide note Jane had shown me. A life was gone, and nothing to show for it. “This is everything?”

  "Yeah, I'm sorry, Val. Once the note was turned in, the case was closed. It never really was open anyway.”

  “But the note doesn’t really say anything. Anyone could have written that.”

  “I know. It’s just how they do things here. I don’t agree, but what can I do? And now that

  Carmen was cremated, there isn’t anything we can do.”

  “Was there at least an autopsy done?”

  “I’m not sure, let me look.” Tim walked over to the computer and typed some information into the search bar. “Yeah, it looks like there was one completed, but we don’t have a copy of it.”

  “Wait…there was one done, but you guys don’t have a copy of it? Are you serious?”

  “Yeah…let me see if I can get it.” Tim pulled out a form from his desk and started filling it out. “It might take a while to get it and they might not even release it to me since the case has been closed.”

  “I still can’t understand how it could have been closed without that report. I mean, what if she was drugged or something?”

  “Wow, Val, you really have been watching Snapped.”

  “Knock it off, Tim, I’m serious. How can this be a closed case without all of the details? You just took her unstable mom’s word for it?”

  “Well, that note and even her mom told us to close the case. When the Chief heard her say that, he kind of let
out a sigh of relief.”

  “Please tell me you see a problem with this.”

  “Of course, I do, but I need a job, and if he says case closed, it’s closed.”

  The image of Carmen, dead in her hospital bed, took over my thoughts. How could I help get her justice? What if I was wrong and she actually did take her own life? I guess I might never know. I put the report and note back in the folder and put both files back in the box and handed it to Tim. "Thanks. Sorry for being so upset about all of this. I just felt like I owed this to her. At least I can say I tried."

  Tim stood up, took my face in his hands and kissed me. "Val, I love that about you."

  I fell into him as I let those words settle in. "You have such a big heart and so much integrity. You don't see that very often. I can't fault you for trying. I can't say I believe the right thing was done, but I will at least try to get the autopsy report to see if there is any reason we might be able to reopen the case."

  “Thanks for all of your help. Can I treat you to dinner and Snapped?”

  “You’re so romantic. You know the way to a man’s heart; food and murder.” His laugh made me realize how bizarre it all sounded, but I was thankful we could find humor in the dark side of life.

  “Pizza or Chinese? It’s too late to cook anything now.”

  “Let’s grab a pizza and finish that six-pack and get our minds off all of this.”

  “It might take more than that.”

  “Oh, I like how you think.”

  Embarrassed by how that sounded, I wasn’t sure I wanted to correct him.

  Chapter Fifteen

  I could hear Gabriel crying as I unlocked the door. “Hey, buddy, sorry I’m late. I brought you something to apologize.” He rubbed up against my legs, purring and pushing against me as I walked into the kitchen to put the pizza and bags down. I took out a saucer and the can of wet food on it for Gabriel. A peace offering. As Tim took up more of my time, Gabe was getting less of it. That was the hardest part of this relationship, finding a balance between going too fast and not fast enough.

  As Gabriel ate his dinner, I heard a light knock on the door, followed by the door slowly opening. My heart dropped as I realized I had forgotten to lock the door behind me. Tim pushed through the door, his backpack on his back, and a brown paper bag in his hand. “Honey, I’m home.”

  “Oh, thank God, it’s you.”

  “Who else?” He set the paper bag down, pulled out a bag of cat treats and another six-pack of Sam Adams. “You said you might need more, so I wasn’t sure if you meant beer…or me…so I brought clothes for a sleepover, too.”

  “Wow, I don’t know what to say. I guess we’ll see how the night plays out.” I hadn’t slept with anyone before. Never. At thirty-four, I had never been in a relationship, not even casual sex. The idea of falling asleep in Tim’s arms made everything else fade away. I guess there is always a first for everything. And he even brought a gift for Gabe. How could I turn him away now?

  I grabbed some plates and the pizza and headed to the living room. Tim brought the beer and we sat together on the couch. I wasn't sure why this felt so comfortable, after so many years of never wanting anything to do with another person. "I have a confession to make."

  “Oh no, is this when you tell me you’re into ladies?”

  I reached over to tap him on the shoulder. “No, perv. What I was going to say was that I’ve never been in a relationship before. I’ve never had sex before…well, consensual sex.”

  Tim reached over and took my hand. “It’s OK, Val, I just want to fall asleep next to you. We can take this as slow as you want.”

  "I think I'd like that." My body tingled as I felt the warmth of him next to me. "Thank you for understanding and not being a normal guy."

  “I think that’s a compliment?” He laughed as he opened up a beer and handed it to me.

  “Yeah, you know, a pushy, all you want is sex guy. I’m glad you’re sweet and sensitive.”

  “Settle down with the compliments, Val, or I might have a hard time remaining a gentleman.”

  “No, really, you’re one of a kind and I am so happy you tried so hard to get me to change my mind.”

  “Me, too. You were worth the work.”

  I turned the TV on to try to take the awkwardness out of the air. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling, but I thought it was love. I loved Gabriel, my son and my cat, but I never felt it for anyone else before. I just hoped he didn’t turn out to be a mistake. He seemed to understand me and all of the baggage I carried. I just wondered what it would take to push him away.

  Snapped happened to be on again, it always seemed to be on whenever Tim was over. The episode was about another cheating husband and an angry wife looking for revenge. That seemed to be the regular theme of the show. So many relationships end because someone can’t be trusted. It wasn’t the best choice to watch starting a new relationship. Trust was something that eluded me. I had tried to push past those feelings when I was around Tim because he hadn’t given me any reason to doubt him, but it just seemed like the inevitable. There was no way I alone would be enough to keep him happy.

  “Earth to Val. Where’d you go now?” Tim was so good at reading me, he knew I struggled. I didn’t know if that was a good thing or not. There was definitely no hiding around him.

  “How do you always know? Are you watching TV or me?”

  “You’re too beautiful not to look at, sorry, I can’t help it.”

  "I was just thinking about all these shows and how many people cheat on their spouse. I mean, what's the point of being in a relationship? And then, the revenge? I mean, how can you trust anyone? Especially the people you love?"

  “Whoa, maybe we should find something else to watch? But, wait…did you just say people you love? Does that mean…that you love me?” He turned the TV off and put his plate down to take my hands.

  “I didn’t say that.” My cheeks burned as I felt my face flush. “I mean, I guess I did. I don’t know what I mean anymore.”

  "Val, I've told you I won't hurt you, and I won't let anyone hurt you. You're safe with me. Please trust me when I say that. I know you have every reason not to believe me, but let me prove it to you."

  “I’m trying, I really am. This is why I never let anyone in. I don’t know what to do with all of these feelings. The idea that you’ll keep me safe feels nice, but the thought that you might hurt me keeps me from really believing it. I want to. I want to be normal.”

  “I love you the way you are, please don’t be normal.” His attempt to crack a joke made me smile. “Just give me time to show you, and if you get scared, talk to me. Don’t run away in your mind and let all the crap thoughts take over. Promise me you’ll talk to me, tell me what you’re thinking, what you need.”

  Tears ran down my cheeks as I looked up at him. "I'm so glad I waited for you. Or you waited for me. Whichever way it is, I'm happy. I've never felt understood before. Not by anyone. Well, other than Gabriel, but you know what I mean."

  “I do and I’ll try my best to be who you need. Thank you for trusting me enough to let me in.”

  I snuggled closer to him and turned the TV back on. There was only so much I could handle before I needed to escape. Another episode of Snapped was about to begin. “Why are the women always the ones that are doing the crimes in these shows?”

  “Because it’s called Snapped. The women finally snap and commit the crime they have been dreaming of. Don't you ever think about doing something like this? Anyone you want to make pay for something they have done to you?"

  "Hmmm, I guess I never thought about that." So many people had hurt me throughout my life. So much so I just stopped thinking about them. When they were out of my mind, they lost their control over me, but maybe that was their control. The thought of taking my power back and making them pay made me consider things I never would have thought of. "I don't know. Do you ever think about doing something like this to anyone?"

  “Yeah, sometimes, when
we have a messed-up case, I want to make the perp pay for what they did because I know jail won’t be enough. I don’t think I could kill anyone, but I’d love to see them suffer like they made their victims suffer.”

  “You’ve never been hurt by anyone before? No one you’d want to make suffer for what they did to you?”

  “No, I guess not. There has been plenty of people that have wronged me, but not enough to want revenge.”

  "Your life must have been pretty amazing to not have anyone worth murdering in it." I pushed out a laugh to try to take back what I had just said. I wanted revenge not that long ago, when I met Seth. There was something about him I just didn't like, and now there would be no way to help Carmen get her revenge.

  "I think murder should be reserved for the select few who have done the unthinkable. You know, harming a child or murdering someone else. Like that old saying, what is it, an eye for an eye?"

  "OK, I can go along with that theory. I'd rather take both eyes, though. You know, they take my eye, I want to take both of theirs. I need to one-up with my revenge."

  “Whoa Val, I like it when you get feisty.” His smile took the seriousness out of the air, but I meant what I said. Maybe that was something I should have kept to myself. I don’t think many people would understand the desire to right the wrongs of others. I never knew how much I really wanted to get revenge.

  “I’m getting tired, do you want to go to bed?”

  “Really? You’re really going to let me stay?”

  “Yeah, I think it’ll be nice to fall asleep in your arms.”

  “I’ve dreamed about this.” He pulled me into a hug and kissed me. I wasn’t sure I was making the right decision, but everything in me was telling me I was. I just hoped he didn’t make me regret this.

  Chapter Sixteen

  When I arrived at the hospital, I was greeted by Jeanine. For the first time in a long time, I was right on time. The smile on my face must have confused Jeanine because she raised her eyebrows at me before she spoke. "Hey, ahh, have you called Jane yet? She keeps calling me, telling me she hasn't heard from anyone. And, well, that doesn't sound like you."